Respect the (Unwritten) Rules!
We’re seeing a giant influx of new plant parents thanks to being quarantined, and I’m excited about it! There’s definitely enough plants to go around, and having more people in this community isn’t always a bad thing, but it can be if people aren’t made aware of the unspoken rules of the plant community. I’ve compiled a list of my own no-no’s but feel free to share any of yours in the comments!
#1: NFS unless otherwise noted
Most people post their plant babies to share the joy they bring with the world. Instagram is full of “I want that” moments, but we must consider something before we ask someone to cut their plant: Is it for sale? Unless someone has specifically said that they’re interested in selling a cutting, chances are you’re being rude if you ask. Consider this: You have a puppy, a very cute puppy that everyone wants to pet. Someone comes up to pet your dog, takes of it’s collar, and yells, “This is OUR puppy now!” as they run away. WTF? No, that’s your puppy, right? No one else can lay claim to YOUR puppy because it is your puppy alone. This is how people feel about their plants, especially the larger specimen. It’s become increasingly harder to find mature, established plants and it does take a lot of time and patience to grow them to be the sizes you often see on the ‘gram. Most people, myself included, don’t want to cut them up when it’s taken us so long to get them to reach the stage they’re at now. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT message someone asking for a piece of their plant unless they have offered. It’s NFS (not for sale).
#2: Ask don’t tell
If you’re interested in trading with someone, or in purchasing one of their cuttings, it’s always best etiquette to ask them if they’re interested instead of demanding what you want. For example, I have gotten both of the following messages:
“Hello, I was wondering if you were open to doing a trade for a cutting of your Albo! I have X, Y, and Z available to offer! Thank you!”
VS.
“I have wanted an Albo forever. It’s my number one wishlist plant but I can’t afford it. Yours is beautiful, and I like the variegation the most. I want your top cutting (I don’t like mid-cuts).”
Do you see the difference? One made me consider whether or not I wanted to cut my plant, and one made me consider hitting the block button. At the time of both of these messages, I didn’t have any Albo cuttings available. These were out of the blue. One clearly showed respect and appreciation for my plant and the effort it took me to get it to this stage, and one was demanding… as if I owed them something. Plot twist: No one owes you a plant and can say no at any time for any reason. “I don’t want to” is a valid reason for not wanting to share their plants because again, it’s theirs.
#3: Honor Thy Trades
If you have agreed to a trade and another, better, offer comes along, I’m sorry but it’s spoken for. I’ve had people come back to me two days later and say they were made a better offer and that they weren’t going to honor our trade, anymore. I’ve had people “forget” to tell me that the plant took a turn for the worse after we’d agreed to trade. I’ve had people send nothing at all. Honor your damn trades.
#4: You Are Not Entitled to Anyone’s Time/Plants
This is the biggest one. We are all, collectively, doing our best. We may not do the right thing all the time, but we can always be respectful. If someone doesn’t want to trade with you, if someone has what you’re jealous of, if someone behaves a way that you don’t like… that’s their prerogative. No one is required to include you in their plant lives, and the same goes for you. You (and anyone else) doesn’t owe another person anything.
Sometimes people are going through some shit and don’t have time to respond to your message.
Sometimes people are barely holding themselves together, let alone keeping their plants alive and can’t reasonably offer you a healthy trade.
Sometimes someone is having the best day of their life and still don’t want to interact with/sell to/trade with you.
The point is, it doesn’t matter. No one, not the big accounts with 100k+ followers, not someone with 53 followers, not someone with the most amazing plant collection or the puniest owes you a damn thing. You are never, NEVER, entitled to someone’s time and especially not their plants. We’re all human beings and what we need is a little mutual respect. This is how relationships are built.
#5: Make Relationships, Not Connections
This isn’t Craigslist’s “Missed Connections.” This is not where you snuggle up to someone solely because you want something out of them. People (sellers) can tell when you’re only being their “friend” because you want something, and quite frankly if you do that you’re gross and smelly. Throughout the plant community are some of the most generous, kind, and loving people on the planet. Our community is blessed in that sense with abundance. You want to know how I always manage to snag restocks? My friends tell me they’re happening. You want to know how I’ve sourced Albos for under $200/ea.? Friendships. You want to know how I’ve managed to keep everything alive, thriving, and looking fresh as fuck? MY FRIENDS. I have never once in my life started a conversation with someone because I wanted something from them. I have started talking to people to pick their brains for the wealth of plant knowledge they have and HEY! What do you know? They’re offering me a plant from their personal collection. Relationships pay off in so many more ways than the exchange of material things. I have gifted plants and been gifted them in return. The plant community is the living, breathing example of “give and you shall receive.”
#6: Don’t Flip Plants
This one should be obvious, but buying a plant from someone for a bargain solely for the purpose of turning around to sell it for more is really shady. See my entire post about it here.
#7: Plant Privacy
Some people don’t like to disclose how much they paid for a plant/where they got their plant for many reasons! Some people might feel uncomfortable “flexing” on anyone who asks the price of their plant, especially with the current rise in prices. Some people might tell you, honestly, what they paid and where they got it, but if they choose not to that’s perfectly okay, too! Sometimes we have sources that don’t want to be shared with the world so they aren’t bombarded with people asking for plants. Sometimes, honestly, the plant was overpriced and I’d like to keep that to myself. You never know what is going on behind the scenes, so don’t assume someone is being greedy by not sharing their sources and prices. Respect each collector’s right to privacy!
I know there’s so much more that could go here, but these are my main 7 points, and I hope they help you navigate your way through joining our community! I welcome every newby with open arms, and excitement. One of my favorite things in the world is seeing someone light up over every new plant discovery, seeing the wonder in their eyes for the first time as they get their first new leaf. Plants are a joy that are meant for everyone.
