Fernando: A Tragedy in Two Parts
I am being tested by the planty gods. TESTED I TELL YOU. Here’s the story of Fernando, the albo that tried my patience and broke my heart.
Fernando came to me sight-unseen. I spotted him in the background of a friend’s instagram stories and immediately told her to buy him and bring him to me. I believe the literal text was, “Is that an albo in the background?! How much?! Nevermind get him I don’t really care.” And I didn’t care, I’m dedicating most of my time to studying Albos, to learning their needs, to making them thrive, to bringing back variegation where there was none… and Fernando fit the bill.
From what I could see, Fernando had two variegated stalks and two regular green stalks in his pot, which is most common to find when you see a full totem of albo. I knew that he was reverted on both stalks, and that he would need a serious cut back and re-grow to make him the monster I knew he could be. I’d done it before, and I would do it again, I would do the “impossible” and make a reverted monstera into an enviable variegated specimen.
And then he arrived………….
ACT ONE: Tragedy Strikes
Fernando came to me a little suspect. The top cutting of both variegated vines had been taken before it was sold. Not only was I missing the entire top cutting, he was missing BOTH. When I asked the seller about it via instagram, they just told me that “it snapped when I was moving” which would be understandable and would NEVER make me upset because shit happens. I would have appreciated that information being disclosed before purchasing, but I figured maybe they just forgot to mention it. BUT, what didn’t add up was that BOTH top cuttings were missing. They didn’t look like a break, they were clean cuts. As a seller, I would never take both variegated top cuttings before selling to a client, especially without telling them I had done so. This was my first red flag. The seller was responsive, and I was very kind about it and never once got upset, even though inside was a giant, “Hmmmmmmmm…….ok.” A week or so later, and we started pushing new growth, so I just chalked it up to an inexperienced seller and a learning experience for me to never buy sight-unseen again. I knew part of the responsibility was mine for not personally inspecting the plant before I got it, so I didn’t have room to be upset.
UNTIL…
ACT TWO: Tragedy Strikes Again
The unthinkable has happened, my literal worst nightmare, the thing I’ve dreaded for the last 3 years……. Thrips. Fernando brought fucking thrips into my house. Panic ensued. He was already kind of isolated in his spot by the window and wasn’t touching anyone, so that was lucky (or just good planning on my part). When I tell you I was livid… I think there’s still a hole in the ceiling from where I blasted off into space when my head exploded. I moved him to complete isolation and messaged the seller. “Hi! I just wanted you to know to check your plants and soil for thrips! This albo has them and I know they can live in the soil for a while before appearing!” You want to know the response? Radio silence and an unfollow. No apologies, no thank you for letting them know, just liking my message and unfollowing me. Notice that I did not ask for a refund, I did not get mad, I did not place blame, I just simply informed them of the situation and got treated like a nuisance for doing so. I’ve been running around collecting items to treat these thrips like a chicken with my head cut off, I’ve been asking advice since this is my first go-around with them, I’ve been stressing.
Listen to me, I have sold plants that I didn’t know had pests before, and I’ve always offered at least a partial refund for their troubles of having to treat them. I wasn’t expecting this seller to do what I do, but I did expect them to care and at LEAST be apologetic, especially after the top cuttings were mysteriously missing. There is a major issue with people who have no sense of integrity and responsibility in this community, and unfortunately, even I fall prey to their tricks, sometimes. I always give people the benefit of the doubt, but this time I was wrong to do so. We all wonder why everyone is suspicious of everyone else, why everyone doesn’t want to buy from smaller time sellers……. well, this is why.
Lesson learned, thrips earned, plant burned. JK I didn’t burn him. But here’s what I AM going to do:
Uproot and separate the stalks, and throw away the green ones. They seem to have the most pests on them for some reason (probably because those are the only ones pushing new leaves… thrips prefer that new-new).
Rinse off ALL SOIL from the roots. All of it. I’m not risking any eggs surviving this treatment.
Spray the variegated vines with a stupid strong chemical given to my by a friend who has far more experience with pests than I do. It’s supposed to be the best, and I’m not seeing any adults yet, so this is hopefully going to be a one treatment issue. (I’ll update what the product is whenever I remember… it was given to me in a mason jar for now.)
Repot the variegated vines in to new soil that includes Systemic with a new post to climb.
FUCKING PRAY.
Y’all, I’m not posting the name of the seller because I don’t want to blast anyone just starting out, but I promise you I will never buy from them again. Always, ALWAYS inspect the plants you buy for pests before bringing them home, but especially when they come from someone’s house or from a pop-up shop before agreeing it’s the plant for you. Plant shops can generally be trusted to be pest free, but individual people don’t have the same level of quality control. Pests happen, but the way this whole situation shook out is aggravating. I am a little saddened that supporting a small business ended up like this, but I still believe shopping small is where it’s at. RIP to bridges burned, I’ll take my money elsewhere.
